It started with a sticky note on the counter and then another sticky note in my planner, 'Don't die, get a 'Colonoscopy'. Then the daily verbal reminders began, 'Did you make your appointment?' Thank you Kelsie for pushing me... it is something that we all need to do when we are 50.
I went in for my Colonoscopy last month. Thankfully my colon came out clear, but they did find a growth in the lining of my rectum (Can I say that in a blog?). It was the size of a gum ball and had apparently been there a long time. I needed to be scheduled for a biopsy before they could remove it. So I went home and waited for the next available biopsy appointment. Meanwhile, I did what most people would do... Constant prayer and thinking about life and death. Alot.
Life changes in an instant and everything is different. One minute I was fine, then I would hear Conrad yell 'Grandma' and I would burst into tears. Life kept me busy, I cleared out a lot of things that I no longer felt attached to... amazing how that happens. Odd thoughts would pop into my head... I remember laying on our bed and hearing the sounds of home life with everyone and thinking this is what it will be like when I am gone. It isn't so much that I am afraid to die, I just love being here.
The first available biopsy appointment would be in July at LDS hospital (they have the machine we needed). A lifetime too long to wait. So I had a CT scan. Inconclusive. I called the doctor's office every day and finally got an earlier appointment for May 18. I think the nurse was just tired of me calling. Three enemas and Larry and I were on our way. The doctor could not find the growth anywhere. He was very puzzled and kept searching. What helped was the blessing that it was my period. He asked if I was also on my period when I had my Colonoscopy. Yes. 2 tampons just in case on that day. Putting two and two together, he realized that the growth was actually a Tampon bulge... a misread and that is why they couldn't see a growth, it was no longer there. He gathered all the information and is presenting it to the medical journals. He asked how I was feeling. Thankful and filled with joy I told him. He said anger may come when we get the bills. I will never forget seeing the worry leave Larry's face or our kids, even though they told me all along that things will work out. I am happy the casseroling for Larry will have to wait for another day.
What have I learned? To live in the moment more. To ponder more. To listen more. To be a better wife and Mom. To simplify (always). To work less. To stop spending time focusing on things in life that I have no control over. To give things to God. To pray more. To take better care of me. To be grateful for all the little things in life... which end up being the big things. To keep in mind: Good, Better, Best. To be happy.
It's been a long month, but it has also been a blessing in many ways.