Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Peek...

Working late on somedays. Ashlee invited us all for a late dinner on Thursday... a perfect roast dinner that was out of this world mouth watering good. I got there last and as I walked up to the side door, I looked through the kitchen window and just watched my girls interact with each other. Even with all their differences, they are each others best friend. It was a peek into life for several minutes until Kelsie looked up and screamed... not my intention.

I am blessed and I know that. This past year I have spent more time focusing on what is missing in my life instead of all that is good. I have been complaining more too, which I don't like. Not a good way to live each day, but it's almost like I can't help it. Has a year gone by? Am I missed? Am i loved? When will it get easier? How do I permanently give this all to God without taking it back from Him?

As I say my prayers, I am trying not to quickly jump up and do my will, but to ponder more and really try to understand what God's will is for me (I am a jumper). Sometimes, the only thing I feel, is deep down tiredness. I believe we each have special purposes and gifts. The only thing is lately as I ponder, I am getting a clear stupor of thought. I know in my heart that had I not been so quick to jump these past almost 19 years with Pebbles, I would have had the same stupor of thought I am feeling now and perhaps made different choices. But I can't go back. I can only learn from the past and hopefully move forward more mindfully as I continue with my pondering until I feel God's will... I am presenting Him with all my plans and I wait, while I'm working.
-Brenda

6 comments:

Chocolates for Breakfast said...

on second thought, maybe you are weird!? (I am reading your blogs backwards!)i totally relate to your thoughts...we can't wallow in the past "what if's" but just move forward with faith...LOTS and LOTS of it!

bulkleybunch said...

brenda i love you!! you don't ever come across as a complainer. i think you are so positive! i'm the complainer and i needed to read your post. always such a great example to me! xoxo

Becky said...

Why you little Peeping Tom! Reminds me of you peeping in on me when we were at Dad's house in California. I love that picture of the girls and can imagine you at the window thanking the Lord for the daughters He's given you. Yes, you are so blessed♥ I think we all come to periods in our lives where we wonder ...Is the Lord directing us or are we directing ourselves and asking for His blessing along the way. I know His word says "Be still" and I don't do that enough in my own life. All we can do everyday is go back to the cross and kneel at the Lord's feet.

Birrell Family said...

Amen. Pondering time takes getting used to. I will find the peace and joy I need if I let myself be guided... I need to wait 24 hours before I jump sometimes. I love you!

Dennen - Hilary - Finn said...

How cute that you caught a picture of them! They probably thought you were a Peeping Tom... I think everyone, no matter what stage of life they're in, feels like they're not doing their best or haven't totally figured everything out. I feel like this quite a bit, but then I'm not proactive about changing myself. It seems like you are and that's good (:

Decker Family said...

Perfect photo. Very heartwarming.